i haven't work for five days already...? since last Friday..
these five days would have been a good, short escapade for me.
anyway, never mind about why i took leave for nothing on..
am definately not in a good shape to go to work and mingle with people.
what was the most accomplished thing i did during the past two days?
i am proud to declare, "NOTHING".
it feels great to be a bummer sleeping endless and both soul and body spontaneously agree not to wake up.
worn clothes stacked one after another at one corner of the room.
books, files, notes, lunchbox finding their own space on the floor.
purchases bag after bag, left to attend ownselves without having the mood to admire those victory items.
gym bag, work bag and etc all lumped together with others, occupying a dormitory territory in moi own space.
much as i hate what a mess moi room is in now.
much as i hate what i see.
but, i enjoy the tinge of self-ruin.
i enjoy that i can force myself to continue ways i usually would not.
my wardrobe is also in a mess. nicely hanged clothes are pulled down, neatly folded and arranged clothes are fumbled till i can no longer see at a glance, where pjs are, comfort wear and all..
i hate the mess but am loving it cos i created it, destroying the neatness i have always maintained.
i have a paper tomorrow and i have not once hit my notes for the past five days.
it meant abit to me, but it no longer matter.
for now, i am into self-destruction.
i create and i destroy at the same time.
even if it's something i work hard for, when i no longer want it, i discard it without a second thought.
it's all worth it, as long as i am happy.
i don't like holding on to something when i am no longer happy.
now, i am very much into and is thinking hard how to go bum for two more months and squander away all that i have.
time, money, energy.
being a bummer is not a bad thing ultimately..
how many can afford to do that?