Hello Guys!
I am back again! = )
Last night gotta be one of my most satisfied intoxication night.
I drank quite a bit without limitations and I like.

Went for Oktober fest at Clarke Quay with my girls and hopped over to Cuba Libre for Mojito after some beers.
The ladies had sauerkraut, sausages, wedges, pork knuckles n etc.
I reached a little later about 8pm cos too lazy after nua-ing at home.
I liked the lively atmosphere, the companions and the drinks I had.

Before I knew it, the alcohol hit me and I felt like I was floating.
I puked on the table. Hahaha! Lucky none of my friends kena.
I was already snoozing and half falling asleep after I finished the mojito.

I knew I couldn't walk straight and staggered, walked like a crab. lol
Clara and Adr held onto me one side each and gave me support.
Threw ourselves in the cab and I was gone.
The next time I opened my eyes again, I was sleeping comfortably at Jess' place.
They decided not to send me home, else what to say to my folks?

The way my gfs see it, they think what I been having is unhealthy and I am ruining myself.
No, cos I enjoyed myself and it is only the beginning of what I have chosen to help me move on.
I need people, I need noise. I need companions.
I hate Fridays and weekends now and I need a lot movement in my life now.
My Fridays and weekends used to be packed and it was so natural for my feet to bring me back his home and stay with him.
Friday nights were date nights for us where we would go catch a movie or have dinner.
Saturdays will be outing to nearby malls and Sundays to stay home, do house chores, make him meals, go buy groceries then chill and relax, watch show on his desktop or tv at night.

My drinking is not for certain someone as Clara says, more for myself to do what makes me happy now and my party mode is long on since last year.
Clara knows about it and I did text her last year that if one day I wanna go crazy, hit the clubs and go drink, she has to come with me. She said "okay."
I even jio Adr to New Asia Bar last year but we didn't managed to drop down.
I joined Clara at Artery last year.

Now this party time has come and Clara fulfilled her promises and because it so happens I am nursing my broken heart at the same time, my other lady friends think I am trying to drown my sorrows in drinks, destructing myself which is in fact not true at all.
This is not going to stay with me for long until, I reached the next stage.

It is those people who loves me that keeps my sanity.
I am not going to act strong and say " I am perfectly fine, I am very happy, I enjoy my current life and all that shit"
I do feel really down at certain times when I am alone and those emotions are overwhelming.
Esp, when our shared memories hits me, my tears rolled uncontrollably even while walking down the streets.
I always miss the Bali trip we had, The national day programmes he arranged and etc so much more!
The things he says, the things he did for me.
The messages he sent, via fb message, whatsapp, messages and emails.
If I read them, tears well up again. So I rather not read.

I really hate myself for not learning a lesson which is not to plan anything at all in Dec.
Read this.
In 2009 was also like this, I never get to help him celebrate his birthday and this year is also the same.
The draw plans I had come up earlier is fit for the dustbin now.
It's bad..
When December happens to be his birthday, christmas and new year just round the corner, which we wanted to spend together.We even discussed about his birthday for this year when he was away that 1 year period.
Although we have broken up, I did not forget I once told him before in future for all his birthdays I will be there to celebrate for him.
I told him it was okay not being able to celebrate his one birthday in year 2010 for there will be more birthdays coming up and we can celebrate in decades.

See... it's these sort of conversation that makes me feel down and also start sighing.
What else can I say?
One thing he did good though was, we parted on a good note with no hatred for each other.
You know how some couples end up like enemies?
Dating is something happy when couples were deeply in love, but no friends or anyone who knows the couple wishes to see a couple turning into enemies after they split.
一对恋人在一起当然是一件开心的事， 但是不希望分手后变成仇人。
At least, one day if we bumped into each other on the streets, we can still smile and say hi to each other.
After all, we loved and shared so many things together. The memories we had, things we gone through belongs solely to us which no one else can relate nor understand.

Having lost something before and having the one chance to retrieve it back will make you cherish more in future bcause having lose it once, you don't want to lose it twice and you know how it feels.

Letting go of the person you love, does not mean you do not love or love the person any lessser.
It just meant you love the person too much that's why you are letting go, in pursuit for their own happiness.
I alway believe, if it's meant to be yours, it's yours.

It says something when this certain someone is always at the back of your mind even when you are surrounded by tons of people or even when you are alone and has some quiet times by yourself.

Much as I am trying to move on, but I am not ignoring this feeling neither trying to brush it aside.

My auntie used to tell me "I won't ask you not to think because the more you force youself not to, the more you will and end yourself in greater misery. Think, go ahead and miss the person you miss and learn to cope with it, face up to your feelings for they are nothing but The Real Things."

So yes, if I can't even face up to my own feelings and be brave to feel the heartaches, the sadness or even happiness that comes to me, I might as well be a robot.