6th Oct '2011 (Thursday)


Since last Monday 26th Sept '2011, I become a cry baby.
Tears roll down my cheeks uncontrollably so often these days, I long lost count.
My heart hurts so much so that my nose aches, 鼻子酸。Then my tears will well up in my eyes and roll.
Anyone experienced this before, the  鼻酸 sensation?

Two most vivid of such experiences is, when I was on the ferry at 8pm last Sunday, waiting to return from Batam. I received his text and my tears rolled.
And earlier part when I was on board ferry to Batam in the morning at 9am plus. The waves blew against my face, blowing my tears away.
We were supposed to go Batam together before his ah ma comes home from hospital. It was supposed to be a short getaway for him.
All changed. On 2nd Oct that Sunday morning, I went to Batam all by myself to take a breather.

I teared again this afternoon all of a sudden. I told momo about it.
Momo says "it's okay, it's part of getting older. It's ok grace, just cry it out. This will  pass soon."
And I cried. Thanks to whatsapp, it makes me feel she is just by my side. She sent me pictures egging me on to gambatte, 加油 with her trademark 笨动作 and I Laughed Out Loud the next minute. Momo always able to make me laugh and always able to knock some sense into me.
Not forgetting her audio note , asking me to be a good girl. I realise my love ones those really close to me always tell me to be a good girl. I guess it's because they know I have a silent rebellious streak in me by nature.

It's nice today, I was out on the streets by 515pm.
Jess asked me out for dinner and we picked Sengkang, supposedly the place I have the least memories with him since we patronise NEX and AMK hub so often which I try not to go anymore after my recent visit with my girls for sing at partyworld, everywhere I walked I saw him, I saw us.
That was when I felt the full impact coming at me!

Boy! I was wrong!
At Sengkang, so many little things reminded me, of us and his family.
The small talks we made, the things we said. SIGH...

Jess wanted to check out ring files at Popular book store. The first book I saw by MM Lee on display and it reminded me buying him the book during CNY period but because it was in hard cover, he could not receive and I kept it till he came home. Now it's at his home. He even uploaded the book on fb page.
Memories of him buying the book at Popular NEX came flooding too. Men from Mars, Women from Venus, he wanted me to read and hope I could improve and understand the differences between men and women.

Was flipping through cook books and chanced upon this book all on Agar Agar and I remember not long ago, his mum and I were saying when she off one day, we go buy the ingredients and make agar agar together at home and I said okay!

Finally, we got out of Popular and when I turned left where soup restaurant is, I rolled my eyes.
Jess saw, gave me a pat on the shoulder and said "it's okay beb"
I replied "wtf Seoul Garden open here for what?"
Cos that was the first time, him, his mum and me went to eat Seoul Garden toegther after a visit at GuanYin temple to ask about auspicious date for engagement. The good day is actually on the 8th Dec.

Jess went to Best Denki to look at fans. I was reminded again!
Jess noticed I looked annoyed and asked why. I told her it  felt only not long ago, I was there at Denki helping him to choose a vacuum cleaner and we were looking at fan not long ago at AMK hub NTUC cos his fan blade broke and we were thinking whether to buy a cooler back home and tested to see if it was strong enough to blow away Pumpkin's hair.

I was ripping the plastic that wrapped the Simply Her magazine and I remember him buying my favourite magazines at magazine stands or NTUC. I haven't bought magazines so long already until today.
There was an extra mag that came along with it that says "Real Love Works" and I went pui!
Jess took over, had a look and says "throw throw throw, throw into the dustbin."
She saw a part that read "why you need a marriage preparation course before and after saying I do?" and agrees it's so true that couples should go for it before marriage.
I told her "well, it's okay. I went once and it didn't worked out."
She replied " it doesn't mean it wouldn't work out everytime beb."
I gave a shrug.smiled.

Walked past Giodarno and reminded of the green polo top he picked and bought me.Not forgetting the soft shorts for home wear we happily grabbed at 5 bucks and thought we should have grab more!

Jess suddenly asked me while walking "what's the hype about angry birds?" Grrr... I think perspiration rolled down my forehead if she did not notice. I told her it's just a game. I miss water baby. Man! My sweetheart boy. He loves playing angry bird so much and also other games in front of me and conquering it level by level. sobs..

We took LRT to Rivervale mall and it was drizzling. Jess asked if I have brolly and I took it out to shelter us. She exclaimed " wah hah, your umbrella so girl one ar.' I told her this is bought by him. She replied "looks like he is trying hard to make you girl ar." I smiled and heaved a sigh...

We went to Daiso and I saw Christmas socks hanging for sale. I bought one last year and is at my home now. This Christmas socks is supposed to be used for this year where I will slip his present inside and hang it at his window so he will see it when he wakes up this Christmas Day. But, I guess there is no need to anymore. Can't use it last year, neither this year.

Daiso, the place I went so often last year to check out on new letter sets there and then wanting to give him varieties. The first time I went gaga at Daiso vivo and grabbed all 8 really cute letter sets with Adr when it was closing time and Adr just went right inside the store to fulfill what I wanted to buy! I was so touched! Times flies, he is home for 4 months now and we have gone seperate ways.

The first time I brought him to Daiso ION and he went nuts looking at things and wanna buy so much to change and improve his home. I liked that and I am always tickled whenever I see him like that, thinking what can be changed, replaced and discard.

Jess was looking at seat cushion and well we were at NTUC NEX say 2 weeks back looking for good cushion seats cos the chair in office is giving him bodyaches and I was plotting to go get him a comfy one as those at NTUC is inferior in terms of comfort.

Last but not least, Jess was holding a pill case for her grandma and that made me think of his ah ma who always needs people to help her sort her medication by night and by day cos she has so many medicine to take.

Oh well! In a short few hours, there's so much related to him.
I guess that's the con of staying together and being together like everyday cos it's not about just the things you say during dating, but everyday life, everyday plans.

It is all the small little things he does, big loving thoughts he had, that takes up the biggest room in my heart.